“NO WAY!!! ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!” was my reaction one night recently when my 11-year old daughter and I were having our bedtime snuggle and she told me that she might like to be homeschooled. At least that was my internal reaction. Thank goodness I had the presence of mind to remember that this week I am holding the intention to practice compassionate listening.

“Really? Why?” was what actually came out of my mouth. Phew, she kept talking. And I kept breathing...and listening without interrupting her. I tried to approach this conversation with curiosity about how she was feeling and tried not to immediately jump in with my ideas about the situation.

She went on to tell me some of the reasons she is drawn to homeschooling. And what I heard surprised me. For one, she feels she doesn't get enough homework from her teacher and is concerned that she won't be prepared for high school. Also, as one of the older children in a composite class of year 4 and year 5 students, she wants more of a challenge in school than the younger ones in her class are ready for. Also, some of her friends are considering pulling out of school to be homeschooled, and she would like to join together with them.

Most of my responses to her were reflective of what she had just told me. “So, are you saying that you want more stimulation from your work at school?'' Or, “it sounds like you and your friends have been talking about this a lot and have already come up with some plans.” Sometimes it was just an “oh” or a “really” or an “uh-huh,” to let her know that I was still right there with her.

By the end of the conversation, she told me that I was the first of the parents from her group of friends to be told about this. That made my heart sing. We'd had a positive snuggle time full of connection, rather than what could have easily turned into 'correction'.

My daughter felt heard. I felt like I was being a good mother. And upon further reflection, it felt good to step out of the role of the mother who so often says, 'no.' I realize that when I am feeling good about myself and my mothering, I am more available and calm with my children. And when I am in that frame of mind, my children are in turn, calmer and share more with me. Self-fulfilling prophecy? Positive feedback loop? I'll certainly be listening carefully for more.

We shall see if the conversation about homeschooling continues, or if it was just ideas she was trying on and needed to air. Should we continue our talk, I will endeavour to remember to use the soothing balm of empathy – for both of us.