Hello! Here’s a quick impromptu Facebook Live video my husband and I made while we were on one of our weekly Monday morning dates. For this particular date we were on a local bush walk here in New Zealand. On our walk, the topic of parenting challenges came up for us.
Through the years we have faced many challenges in parenting, and one of the biggies for us now is finding the time to spend together as a couple. Still, after 15+ years of parenting, we’re trying to sort this one out.
For a while we had a weekly standing date night to go out dancing. It was fabulous fun, but it certainly racked up the babysitting bills. Once our children grew old enough to do so, we experimented with letting them stay home on their own while we went on a date. After one frightening incident, they weren’t keen to do this any longer. Not only that, as we’ve become older we’re not such night owls anymore.
We needed to find a creative solution to make space for our one-on-one time together. What works for us well now is to have a standing weekly date on Monday mornings. Sometimes we go out to a cafe for a cup of coffee, sometimes we’ll go for a bush walk, sometimes we’ll make coffee at home and take it to the beach, and sometimes we just stay home. The point is, we know we have dedicated time for each other.
With busy lives of parenting, running our businesses, volunteering, trying to keep fit, cooking, chauffeuring children, . . . and, and, and. . . , it can be so challenging for us to spend the time together that we want and need. It’s so easy to begin to grow apart in the hustle and bustle of life, just trying to keep everything afloat.
Being able to catch up with each other on a regular basis keeps us in touch with where the other one is and keeps us evolving together. Not only do we catch up with each other on the logistical side of things (who in the family is going where and when, what needs to happen to keep the household running, what scheduling dilemmas are on the horizon), we get to touch base about the emotional side of things too. It’s a chance to take stock of our relationship, to reconnect about our hopes and dreams, our worries and fears. It’s a chance to give voice to what is in our hearts and a chance to provide deep listening for the other.
I hear from many other parents that finding time to be with their spouse/partner is a huge challenge. Some find it hard to find time to be with their children as much as they’d like to, and some are starved for time by themselves to re-fill their own cups.
Every parent I talk to is facing some challenge in parenting. Those challenges don't seem to stop coming, they just shift and change and evolve into another configuration.
I’m curious, what is your biggest challenge in parenting?
Is it that your children don’t listen to you?
Is bedtime an epic battle?
Is it nigh impossible to get out the door in the morning without tears (your child’s or your own)?
Are you finding yourself yelling at your child and then feeling guilty afterwards?
Is the sibling rivalry driving you nuts?
The arguments between siblings totally stress you out?
Maybe it’s the big mess everywhere?
A sense of overwhelm about everything you need to carry in your role as a parent?
Does your self-sabotaging inner critic tell you that you’ll never get this right?
Maybe it’s all of the above? I have felt everyone of these frustrations at some stage in my parenting, and I’m willing to bet you have too.
How about you - what is your biggest challenge in parenting? Leave a comment about what it is you’re struggling with. I know it might feel vulnerable to do so. It might be embarrassing to admit that you have parenting struggles. And, I find a real beauty when we can be honest and authentic with each other about what is really happening for us. Sometimes it’s reassuring to know that others are going through similar struggles. “Oh, so you mean I’m not the only one!” Parenting can feel so isolating sometimes when we don’t have anyone to share our experiences with.
If you want to reach out to someone to lighten the load of the parenting burden you’re carrying, I offer a free 1/2 hour call to parents who wish to discuss their parenting challenges. Giving voice to what is weighing on you and having a compassionate listening ear on the other side can be so cathartic.
Here’s where you can schedule your free 1/2 hour call with me: https://calendly.com/heartconnectionparenting/30minutes
I promise you it’s a free call - no obligation, no strings attached. It’s my gift to you, and is an opportunity for you to seek some support for yourself in parenting.
I’d love to be in touch with you to have a chat. And if you know of someone who might find this offer useful, please pass the information along.
ps - When my daughter was 3, I received some sage advice from Teacher Donna, the wise woman who was her pre-school teacher and a parenting mentor to me. Donna advised us to make sure that every 3 months we made the time to go away for a weekend to have some time to replenish ourselves as individuals. We’ve extended that goal for ourselves to also get away once every three months as a couple for a weekend. We haven’t always managed to do that as often as we aim to, but when we do it is glorious and energy-renewing.
We have grandparents coming to stay with us long-term this summer, and are looking forward to going off on some adventures on our own. Thank you grandparents - deep appreciation!