Last night my son lit a fire under me to do something I wouldn't normally do. It was only because of his urging and encouraging that I did it, and I only did it for his benefit.
Some friends invited us to a lovely mid-winter Christmas party at their home last night. (If you're reading this from the Northern Hemisphere, Christmas celebrations in June probably seem bizarre. But to someone like me, who grew up with Christmas in winter, it was nostalgic, cosy and nourishing to have a Christmas-like celebration with friends now, while it is winter in New Zealand.)
After convivial catch-ups with friends, we all shared a pot-luck meal (everything vegan!) and afterwards were treated to some live entertainment.
Most of the people at the party have a connection to our Steiner School community, and there are some very talented folks among that crowd. We were regaled with performances on the mbira, acapella singing, a guitar and singing trio, and a recorder duo. Our hostess, eager for more guests to share their talents, asked if anybody else wanted to perform a piece.
I turned to my pre-teen son, encouraging him to get up and play the guitar for us. He's been learning the guitar for a few years now and is progressing quite nicely. In my mind, it would be wonderful for him to busk at the local Sunday market to begin raising funds for his trip to Norway in three year's time, but he doesn't feel up to it, or other public performance yet.
Suddenly the tables turned and my son was pulling me up out of my seat to go play the guitar for the audience. See, the thing is, he has given me exactly one lesson on the guitar so far, and it was already several weeks ago. He began teaching me the first few bars of the song, "Smoke On The Water."
My resistance arose quickly. The old thought patterns began to course through my mind, and they had a lot to do with not wanting to make a fool of myself in front of others. Somehow though, another voice rang out loudly in my mind, telling me to "do it for my son."
I would love to set the example for my children of acting courageously.
So I did it.
I plucked out the few bars I know of "Smoke On The Water." I didn't even do it right - and, for that matter, I didn't do it well either. Yet, I lived to tell about it anyway. I caught sight of my son's face and he was absolutely glowing with excitement.
Later when I was giving him a goodnight snuggle in his bed, he told me he thought it was cool that I got up to play the guitar in front of all the party guests. In his estimation, there aren't many mums who play the guitar. He also remarked that when he sees adults on stage playing an instrument, they only do so if they're very skilled but not if they're only still learning and not very good. "No offence mum" (his words).
Hearing that feedback, and finding out that it had been meaningful to him, I was so pleased that I took the chance and that I did it for him.
It caused me to reflect on how I'm willing to do something in my children's interest that I might not do for only my own benefit. Getting outside to the park for some fresh air, or making a proper and nutritious meal I'll readily do for my children's good, but might not otherwise do for myself. But, I end up gaining from the effort that was intended for my children.
As parents, we carry so many patterns that we have learned from our parents, that they learned from their parents and so on. So these patterns get passed down through the generations. These might be patterns of how we communicate with others, how we accept others, how we cope with challenges, how we react to stress, et cetera.
How many parents decide they would like to change these patterns for themselves, and how many take action to do so?
Ah, but when parents see the impact these patterns have on their children, they become more motivated to seek change. They will do it for their children's sake.
If something in your parent-child relationship is lighting a fire under you to seek transformation, take action.
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If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your children.